Thursday, February 16, 2006

Confirmation part I

I was raised atheist. I'm not saying that's how I'd raise my kids, but I think it worked out well for me. Sure I'm behind on my beatitudes and I missed all the fun lock-ins and things, but I started searching for God when I wasn't even remotely sure he was there to be found and I think that makes the taste of finding him everywhere even sweeter. I was baptized in the small upstairs chapel of Canterbury Episcopal Campus Ministry in Harrisonburg, Virginia across the street from the campus of James Madison University, where at that point I was a struggling freshman. I didn't stay at JMU long enough to be confirmed at Emmanuel, the grown-up Episcopal church in town, and in reality, I wasn't ready when I was there. I was still on the wobbly fawn legs of faith.

When I suddenly found myself in Texas I felt uprooted and lost. The sickness that had so stealthily taken control of my mind and body weakened my faith. Focusing on nothing but survival (and sometimes not even that) I pushed God out of my mind, except for reading the compline service to myself every night. Compline (rhymes with "gin") is a late evening prayer, which doesn't require a priest, and is still my favorite service from the Book of Common Prayer (BCP). I'll write more about compline later.

Once I was well and living on my own again I church-shopped in Austin and although I attended services pretty regularly; first at All Saints and then at Good Shepherd I never really felt like I had a church home, never felt like I had a communion with the other members. It was like Goldilocks, except with Anglicans instead of bears. All Saints was too small; when I tried to join, I got a pretty strong message that I was not welcome as part of their college-age groups. Good Shepherd was too big. I got lost in the shuffle and never found my niche. All Saint's and Good Shepherd are both wonderful organizations, but they weren't the churches for me. Saint David's is. From the moment I set foot on the Labyrinth, I knew Saint David's was the place for me, and so, this is where I want to be confirmed.

This blog has been brought to you by the Grace of God and a questionable childhood.


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