Let me explain...
I just couldn't do it. I could not face another "rilly big shoe" Holy Week service. I couldn't deal with the 2000 infant baptisms, I couldn't deal with the 326 hymns with 6 verses each (sung molto lento, of course) and most of all I couldn't deal with trying to find my Volvo in an Episcopal Church parking lot, which as you know is like trying to find Waldo on the last page where everyone's a Waldo. I just didn't have an Easter Vigil in me this year.
So I walked into the beautiful lobby of my church, took one look at my service bulletin --all 6 pages of it-- and got the hell out of dodge.
Yikes.
First the bad. I know. I know. It does not bode well for someone in the market for ordination (or at least permission to work towards it) to physically not be able to face possibly the most important liturgy of the year. I know I should get over my intense distaste for church choirs (justified thought it may be) but I haven't.
That being said--
Simply put, I don't feel like I've worshipped at the Rilly Big Shoe services and my prayers tends towards the "Dear Lord, please let the girl in the next pew cut down on the Aromatic Elixir next week" instead of less worldly things. Also, I'm rarely involved in RBS services. If I did have a part, I'd be glad to do it --that would count as part of helping others-- but as it is, I'm mostly a butt in a pew doing calesthenics for Christ.
That seems insincere. I refuse to phone it in to God.
So I walked into the beautiful lobby of my church, took one look at my service bulletin --all 6 pages of it-- and got the hell out of dodge.
Yikes.
First the bad. I know. I know. It does not bode well for someone in the market for ordination (or at least permission to work towards it) to physically not be able to face possibly the most important liturgy of the year. I know I should get over my intense distaste for church choirs (justified thought it may be) but I haven't.
That being said--
Simply put, I don't feel like I've worshipped at the Rilly Big Shoe services and my prayers tends towards the "Dear Lord, please let the girl in the next pew cut down on the Aromatic Elixir next week" instead of less worldly things. Also, I'm rarely involved in RBS services. If I did have a part, I'd be glad to do it --that would count as part of helping others-- but as it is, I'm mostly a butt in a pew doing calesthenics for Christ.
That seems insincere. I refuse to phone it in to God.
posted by Rhiannon at 2:38 AM
3 Comments:
Random responses to "Taking French Leave" and explanations thereon:
Jesus, you may remember, did most of his work out among the people rather than ensconced in any PLACE of worship.
Faith, Tradition, and Reason are three supporting pillars of religion. Oft'times the latter two mix as smoothly together as oil and water.
Cutting that deal with Constantine’s Roman Empire may vary well have been a savvy political move for the early church, but getting Jesus’ message of "good news to the poor" melded into the trappings of the imperial faith – Deus Sol Invictus – was a mighty high price to pay for official acceptance.
Good for you, Rhiannon. I always struggled with the same feeling at the "big" services and I probably still will, unless -- the this is crucial! -- I have a big job at the big service, as musician, liturgist, priest. At the same time, I have sometimes found I can attend as a member of the congregation and offer my discomfort and struggle to God in lieu of good-feeling worship.
I'm so grateful most of my worship leadership takes place in a hospital chapel, where there aren't any "big services" per se!
And I'm living proof that discomfort of the type you describe doesn't have to mean you're not cut out for the priesthood! :)
right God! but right church????? In His mercy maybe He'll send you to a tiny rural parish :) but seriously look into what IS important in big services the worshipping together. We've lost it - and a big service nowadays means a lot of people worshipping on their own, fretting about how long the Eucharist takes, or being a couch potato when the choir sings.
No answers here but that's how I see it and we need to press towards change
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