How is this even possible?

Riddle me this dear readers, how is it possible to have a morning after without a night before? Aside from communion wine and one small "toddy for the body" in the form of an Irish Cream consumed on Christmas Eve afternoon, I have had a hooch-free holiday.

And yet I seem to have awoken with the sort of hangover headache that inspires one to start the day with the word "mother" before rapidly descending into odalisques of profanity that would make longshoremen weep. It's a puzzlement.

As a rule I do not get hangovers. Mostly this is because I rarely drink. Even the morning after my gigantic birthday party where I woke up face-down on living room carpet, clasping a roll of tin foil
(don't ask) I was merely headachey for a few hours. Yet somehow I am sitting here, stock still and barely capable of sentence structure, wishing people wouldn’t blink so (deleted scene of colorful-yet-unimaginable verbal violence) loudly.