Rabbit's tale.

Maryanne! Fetch me my gloves Maryanne!

I feel like the white rabbit, forever running and not getting much rest. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up. For the past three nights I've tried to sleep. I've tucked myself in bed a full 12 hours before I needed to be awake again, and yet the hours would roll by and soon it would be three o'clock in the morning.

I know I'm not taking proper care of myself. My apartment isn't as clean as I'd like it to be, I'm eating on a screwy schedule --handful of walnuts for breakfast in the car, whatever the lunch runner brings me for a midday meal (usually a chef salad) and whatever I have on hand at home for dinner. Ritz crackers, smoked herring, nutella on a spoon, I've been guilty of them all in the past few weeks. My laundry is far overdue and there's a check in my purse that's needed cashing for the past nine days.

I know part of it was the stress from finals --speaking of which, my term grades just posted. 4.0 thankyouverymuch-- and there's a lot of tension surrounding the retrospectively not-so-big but still scary meeting with my rector.

Another part is the pain. I don't talk about it much, but I'm in constant physical pain and I know much of it is stress-related muscle tension.

I'm not unhappy. I'm just in a holding pattern. Things that need to be done are being left undone (where have I heard that before?) and I'm not living up to my potential joy.

I feel as if I'm trying to avoid something, but I can't figure out what it is. I hope I snap out of it soon. This isn't who I'm supposed to be.