Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Rabbit's tale.

Maryanne! Fetch me my gloves Maryanne!
I feel like the white rabbit, forever running and not getting much rest. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up. For the past three nights I've tried to sleep. I've tucked myself in bed a full 12 hours before I needed to be awake again, and yet the hours would roll by and soon it would be three o'clock in the morning.
I know I'm not taking proper care of myself. My apartment isn't as clean as I'd like it to be, I'm eating on a screwy schedule --handful of walnuts for breakfast in the car, whatever the lunch runner brings me for a midday meal (usually a chef salad) and whatever I have on hand at home for dinner. Ritz crackers, smoked herring, nutella on a spoon, I've been guilty of them all in the past few weeks. My laundry is far overdue and there's a check in my purse that's needed cashing for the past nine days.
I know part of it was the stress from finals --speaking of which, my term grades just posted. 4.0 thankyouverymuch-- and there's a lot of tension surrounding the retrospectively not-so-big but still scary meeting with my rector.
Another part is the pain. I don't talk about it much, but I'm in constant physical pain and I know much of it is stress-related muscle tension.
I'm not unhappy. I'm just in a holding pattern. Things that need to be done are being left undone (where have I heard that before?) and I'm not living up to my potential joy.
I feel as if I'm trying to avoid something, but I can't figure out what it is. I hope I snap out of it soon. This isn't who I'm supposed to be.


Blogger Elizabeth K said...

I'm sorry you are so stressed. You want some drugs? My bad back has scored me some good ones.

7:03 PM  
Anonymous Mary Beth said...

Drugs, definitely. I take something every day to, as my psych says, "turn the volume down."

Apparently my normal mode is just a wee bit SCREECHY.

Exercise helps, too, but you gotta take the time, get in the habit, etc.

7:27 AM  

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