Scary part two

Today I had my scary formal meeting with my rector --the first official step of approximately 45 towards ordaination. As it turned out, it wasn't actually the scary formal meeting, but an equally scary PRE-meeting, involving quesadillas which I would have enjoyed had I not been nervous unto puking.

I've been told to seek out a spiritual director (groovy yet possibly expensive)have a chat with a member of the ordained diaconate (not as groovy, but possibly interesting and also free) and start going to therapy as many clergy in my parish choose to do (groovy in that our priests see a shrink, possibly groovy in my having to go personally, definitely expensive)

Then, in a month, I have the REAL scary formal meeting.

***

I'm beginning to see the process a little more clearly, and apparently I'm not going to have to start the full-metal process --complete with the Committee on Judging You-- until six months before graduation, so basically a year from now which, if you recall, is when I said I was EXPECTING to have this meeting.

The good news: In the past three years, everyone my church has "raised up" to ministry has been approved for seminary.

The bad news: I feel like I'm being encouraged to go for the diaconate, which isn't what I want. I know it's not Jr League Priest, but it sort of feels like it.