Lightbulb!

Feeling a bit better today. My jaw is still clenched and is showing no signs of releasing its deathgrip on my face, but at least that gordian knot in my chest has subsided. Knowing I have healthy food in the house helped --I bought two cartons of mixed field greens, two broccoli crowns and some dried cranberries at the market this evening-- but what really dropped my blood pressure was finally putting a finger on what it is that I've been avoiding.

I'm going to see my mother for the first time in almost ten years.

It's like meeting an mildly bad ex-boyfriend, 20 years after he broke your heart. No matter how ugly the breakup was, the statute of limitations have expired. I just can't be angry. However, that doesn't mean I especially want her back in my life.

PeaceBang had mentioned something about a "self-care team" --I think I need to wrangle one-- I used to get bi-monthly massages, working out a trade with a RMT I knew. I baked, she massaged. It was great, but then she went on Atkins and I've been a mess.

What I really need to do is hie myself unto Red's Indoor Gun range for a theraputic hour with a .38 special. What? It works.