Dreary Monday

You know what? It's been a sad day and sometimes the sad just wins.

I woke up sad for no real reason, got wave after wave of sad (or in the case of Michael getting married tomorrow, icky) news and continue to feel sad right now. I'll probably feel sad when I go to sleep tonight. I can't tell you the last time I had a truly melancholy day, but it's been a while.

It's the worst sort of melancholy too, because it's bittersweet. So much is changing --today my Harvard grandfather even said he wanted me to go to Yale-- and it's not that I'm unhappy now. I'm actually happier than I've ever been in my life, but there's no security. I never see my friends anymore and I'm having a hard time making new ones because I have to keep an emotional distance from the people I see at church as to avoid the dreaded "prophet in his hometown" mess again

.Also, there's a lot of pressure I wasn't expecting to feel for another few years, like the fellow parishoners who come to me with serious spiritual angst. I don't do any real counseling, but I listen and that's a heavy burden. Today I had an older lady call me during what should have been my dinner time. She's a good lady. I know she wanteds me to invite her over to my apartment, she lives within walking distance, but I didn't invite her over.

I just couldn't stand to deal with more gloom today.