Nervous Girl Aces Paper. News at 11!

So I just got my grades back for my first paper in my college career at St. Edward's. I was extremely nervous because it had been a looong time since I'd written a scholarly work AND my subject --why women ought to be embraced as ordained priests in the Anglican Communion-- was a bit risky in a strongly Catholic university.

Anyway (and y'all knew this because I wouldn't have posted it otherwise) I not only got the highest grade in the class, I got a perfect score. Hurrah and hooray! It was worth 5% of my grade, which isn't much, but at least it's something. Tomorrow a paper worth 10% is due and it's not going very well, even though it's just a summary of an article.


Deep cleansing breaths...in proper MLA format.

Revgals Friday Five: OW!

1) Are you a baby about small injuries?
I don't think so. Most people don't know I suffer from almost debilitating chronic pain in my hands, shoulders and feet. I try not complain about it.

2) What's the silliest way you have ever hurt yourself?
Oh gosh. Broke my thumb dancing in a go-go cage (for a charity), falling down stage steps while wearing ruffled underpants, tights, a labcoat and six inch platform vinyl gogo boots (again, for a charity). Also, there was that time I tried to fix the wiring in the bathroom of my first apartment without a) turning off the breaker b) mopping up the puddle of water on the floor. Whoops.

edit: A year ago I messed up my knee go-go dancing at a 50's themed fund raiser. I was a 50's "bad girl" (I look abysmal in a poodle skirt) and I caught the heel of my stilleto mule in the cuff of my denim capris. Had to wear an immobilizer for a month and couldn't walk properly for at least 8.

3) Who took care of your boo-boos when you were a child?
My grandmother did. I was blessed to have two nurses in my house. Medical attention, yes. Sympathy? No.

4) Are you a good nurse when others have boo-boos?
I'd like to think I have a small gift in that, as part of a larger gift of caregiving.

5) What's the worst accidental injury you've suffered? Did it require a trip to the Emergency Room?

When I was 6 months old I was in a terrible accident. My skull was fractured. I spent weeks if not months in Children's Hospital. Naturally I don't remember it, but I like to think of that as one of God's first signs telling me "You're here for a reason, pal"

Maybe I'm just feeling contemplative

I don't typically do survey sort of things, but I've been feeling especially contemplative. Feel free to skip this, although this does allow for some insight into my psyche, for those who rush in where angels fear to tread.

1) Single, Crushin', Interested, or in a Relationship?
I have a mild crush (on someone on my friends list no less!) but my scholarly discipline outweighs my romantic fervor…for the time being at least.

2) Are you happy with where you are?
Well, specifically no. I'd like to be in bed. On the macro level, yes. I'm happier now than I have ever been and I can only see my life improving from here.

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
I'm not sure. Introduce me to the right person. History has shown I've fallen for the wrong ones quickly enough.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
yes, but I'm thankful for each time it's happened.

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
I think it's easy to say no, and truly for anything barring a marriage --or a relationship heading in that direction-- my answer is definitely no. However, marriage is a sacrament --a perfect law-- and we are imperfect human beings.

7) Have you talked about marriage with someone?
Yes, mostly along the lines of "Poodle, if we're not married by the time we're 60, let's go to Vegas"

8) Do you want children?
I love children, but I suspect my calling towards being a pastor to a parish might preclude traditional motherhood.

9) How many?
Children come in many forms and ages. I hope I'll be given the grace to care for whoever needs me.

10) Would you consider adoption?
I think adoption is a wonderful, in some ways ethically preferable, means of creating a family.

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think a cool way to let you know would be?
Plainly. Which takes a lot of courage. Truth be told I'm not sure if I have that sort of courage. I can't imagine how lovely it would be to get --and nerve-wracking it would be to send-- a message simply saying. "I like you and want to know you better. Would you like to go out with me?"


12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
No. I'm sure those who play hard to get have their reasons for doing so, but if someone is going to make themselves vulnerable to me by showing their emotions, I have a moral duty to respond gently and graciously.


13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
I have in the past and it hasn't be successful. In fact, I think in retrospect it's cowardly.

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
Yes, though I'm not sure it's enough to sustain a relationship.

15) Are you a romantic?
I am, but not naively so. I think true romance comes from gentle and noble hearts, and is much rarer than the garden variety that comes free with a dozen red roses and a big diamond ring.

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
No, but you can open yourself up to be a minister of change. Not that I haven't struggled (and still struggle) with trying to change people.

17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object, where would it be?
I'd like to be married in the body of a spiritual community in which I am feel the presence of Christ among us. Other than that it's all geography.

18) Sex buddies - good or bad?
I understand them, but for me, sex without a deep emotional connection and commitment is more damaging than it is exciting. Took a lot of trial and error to figure that out.

19) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
I don't often fight, mostly because I tend not to care if someone disagrees with me. However, if I have a moral conviction that something is right or wrong, no argument, effort or fighting can sway me.

20) Do you have feelings for someone right now, whether they know or not?
I suspect I do.

21) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you messed it up?
I have relationships that might have succeeded had I behaved different than I did, but I'm happy where those actions lead me.

22.) Have you broken a heart?
I don't think so. There are a lot of fragile people in the world, and I've discovered one of my gifts is that while I am extremely tender (for good and ill), I'm not fragile. I shall not be broken in spirit (body is another matter. I'm lucky if I can go through the day without going tits over teacups down the stairs)I think part of my calling is to be able to take some of that brokenness upon myself and reflect on it in a positive way.

23.)What would happen if you found another person in bed with your bf/gf?
I would grieve. I don't know how else I would act out, but it would only be a manifestation of grief. Betrayal has featured prominently in my past --Hi mom!--and it's one of the most difficult things I wrestle with.

24.) Would u ever fight somebody over your significant other?
I would fight for their honor or for their sake, but if my S/O wants to be with someone else, I won't arm wrestle to prove my worthiness.

25.)What would u say about your ex?
He, like all of us (I suspect) a good person who has done bad things.

Apologies

I haven't been a faithful minister of this blog, or in fact my blog at work. I can make excuses: I'm at work all day, I'm in school all night. But it boils down to my lack of being able to write about what's happening. I'll probably update this blog several times today, since there's a lot on my mind. I apologize to any readers I might have left. Forgive me and I'll try to do better in the future.

Truth be told

It's been interesting, these past few months, learning what I really need to function well. I think I'm figuring these things out as part of the "formation" process. It's occuring to me, more and more distinctly, that priest is a full time job, and once you've accepted a position within a parish, you're never NOT on-call.

Here are some things I've learned:

I need 9 or 10 hours of restful sleep a night. Every night. Obviously I don't GET 9 or 10 hours of restful sleep, but I've figured out that's what my body needs, so I try to get it at least 3 nights a week, and 8 hours at least 5 nights.

I love entertaining. My apartment has become somewhat of an Island of Misfit Toys in that folks who don't typically have a lot of social interaction can feel free to invite themselves over for dinner (with notice of course). Sometimes it's tedious. Okay, a lot of times it's tedious, still I enjoy it.

I need a lot of quiet time. I will entertain every night, and some weeks I do, but only if I've made sure to have at least a few pockets of "stolen" time where I can lounge around in my pajamas watching DVDs with my dog.

I don't feel guilty about anything. Maybe I should, but I don't. In fact, there's really only one thing I even regret doing (and I'm not about to say what it was). I think priests are supposed to feel guilty and tormented. Well, sometimes I'm tormented. Not by anything new just the basic "if God is good why do bad things happen?" and that sort of stuff. I think because maybe I have never set myself up as an example of a Good Christian (thank goodness because I'm a pretty crap Christian, especially if you ask Jerry Falwell). I'm just a struggling one who happened to be called to ministry (how'd THAT happen, by the way?).

I'm extraordinary. I know that sounds cheesy, but c'est la guerre. My bizarre life experiences, my creepy insight into people (I may not be able to read minds, but it's uncomfortably close) plus the whole "receiving the ecstasy" thing. It's weird. It's not that I do anything to provoke it, but there it is. Been like that since I was a kid and I told everyone my great grandmother --who had alzheimers but was in perfect health otherwise-- was going to die before I came back from my school camping trip later that week. She did.

I'm happy being single. I mean, there's happy being single (as in, that's what you tell yourself) and actually being happy being single...preferring it even. For a long time I was in column A but now when I think of being in a relationship, I think "that would be nice...once I get out of divinity school."

Well that's it. Time to go home. Happy weekend, everybody.

Ecstasy

St Teresa of Avila prayed for the removal of the outer signs of her ecstasy. Was it humility? Would I ask for it to stop? I think I would. For as much as a showboat that I am, outward displays seem vulgar…or do I mean "embarrassing"? I'm not brave enough to answer that question, right now.

I've received the ecstasy once, it's the most important thing that's ever happened to me.

There's no use talking about it, at least as long as we're stuck with language.